First things first - DOCS finally did our referee checks on the 17th & 18th of August, after telling me they were doing them on the 24th of July. Then I received an email on the 21st telling me about the dates for our training course - YEAH!!!! Even though those dates are in November, at least it's progress.
How do I feel about this? It's a funny thing, I went from being a little bit anxious & eager for them to hurry up & get the referee checks done, to feeling quite nervous now that things are really, really happening. Darren just wants it all to be done & for us to have a child with us.
We were lying in bed talking about our yearly camping trip & he was saying where will the kid sleep? and that we'll need to take a microwave to heat bottles & what about the extra room needed in the car (we pack it like a tetris game now!) And I just had to tell him to put it all out of his head & worry about it later! Otherwise like me - he'll never get any sleep!
I want to start planning - God knows I love a plan & a good list. But - it just feels too early. I'm having a hard enough time trying to make a bedroom out of a store/craft/game playing room as it is. I thought I had got rid of a lot of stuff out of that room, but really it's not enough. I don't want it to feel like we are just shoving the child in anywhere - it has to feel like a real space for them. Also we had a big BBQ on Saturday night & little Abbey was over (she has just turned one) she spent the whole time showing me exactly how to child proof my place! All the stuff we moved out of her way will now need to find a new home. She was very helpful!!
I've had a couple more orders for cards from the nursing home & will have to spend this weekend filling an order for 20. My aim is to try & do double that & then a few more as often as possible to try & build up a bit of a stockpile - that way I don't have to stay up til 1 in the morning trying to get them done on time. Also I want to take some to work & see if there is any interest there.
My birthday is coming up - always exciting. We are booked to see Avenue Q on the 12th so I have booked a room at the Swissotel in the city for the Friday & Saturday night. Darren & I will have a bit of alone time (I'll be dragging him to the Pandora store!) & then Jess & Adam will join us on Saturday night for the show. I'm also hoping to see Yan, Michael & Ayisha before they fly out on the Sunday, but this might be too sad!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Noooooooooo!
So what's been going on?
Let me see - I'll just go back into my calendar & see if I can fill in the gaps.
Friday the 24th of July I had my big work dinner reward thingy in the city at WatersEdge not the Waterfront as I previously called it. We had a really good night - probably because I was half way smashed when we arrived. So there was much frivolity & dancing & catching up with staff from regional offices that I either have never met face to face or that I haven't seen in ages.
The accommodation at the Sebel Pier One was not as fancy as I had expected though. They rely very heavily on the fantastic views available & seem to have let the decor slip. Star City Casino has nicer rooms.
We went from the Sebel to Miranda to purchase a Pandora bracelet & charm for Abbey Rose my Goddaughter/niece. Then home to put our new drawers in our room. This meant a bit of furniture movement & then me putting all my undies/bras/socks/pj's/ etc into the new drawers & rearranging the items that I keep on top, jewelry box, alarm clock etc. Darren has decreed that nothing else is allowed to be kept on top of the drawers - he is dreaming.
After organising our room we went to Louise & Andrews for dinner. We wanted to get together with them & talk a bit about the fostering process. I had initially thought that this would mainly benefit Darren, being able to talk to Andrew - but turns out it was important for both of us.
The topic of siblings came up again. And once again Darren has back flipped on this, only this time he managed to explain to me in a different way why he didn't want to take on two children at once. Knowing now how he really feels about this, I am happy to tell DOCS that we will only take one child initially, and later would consider another. This doesn't mean that I wasn't upset about it, but I'm mainly upset about the way Darren went about this, not the one child bit. So I had a bit of an emotional evening. But we came away from it clearer in our views & ideas & with a few topics to follow up on ourselves.
Darren's major worry - I think has been relieved a bit now, & that is that he will say something in our interviews that will cause DOCS to deny us a placement. And then it would be all his fault & I would hold it against him etc, while he is still nervous about the interviews I don't think he is as worried about this now.
On the 26th we had planned a lazy day at home, but Michael rang & asked us to their place for lunch, he had something to tell us. I immediately knew this would involve them going to KL in September & NOT coming back. And I was right. I was not happy, but I was right. Mum is also not happy. It's not that we are possesive of them at all - we just want to keep them here with us! Thus the title of this post.
So the 13th of September is when they leave - Happy Birthday to me.
Let me see - I'll just go back into my calendar & see if I can fill in the gaps.
Friday the 24th of July I had my big work dinner reward thingy in the city at WatersEdge not the Waterfront as I previously called it. We had a really good night - probably because I was half way smashed when we arrived. So there was much frivolity & dancing & catching up with staff from regional offices that I either have never met face to face or that I haven't seen in ages.
The accommodation at the Sebel Pier One was not as fancy as I had expected though. They rely very heavily on the fantastic views available & seem to have let the decor slip. Star City Casino has nicer rooms.
We went from the Sebel to Miranda to purchase a Pandora bracelet & charm for Abbey Rose my Goddaughter/niece. Then home to put our new drawers in our room. This meant a bit of furniture movement & then me putting all my undies/bras/socks/pj's/ etc into the new drawers & rearranging the items that I keep on top, jewelry box, alarm clock etc. Darren has decreed that nothing else is allowed to be kept on top of the drawers - he is dreaming.
After organising our room we went to Louise & Andrews for dinner. We wanted to get together with them & talk a bit about the fostering process. I had initially thought that this would mainly benefit Darren, being able to talk to Andrew - but turns out it was important for both of us.
The topic of siblings came up again. And once again Darren has back flipped on this, only this time he managed to explain to me in a different way why he didn't want to take on two children at once. Knowing now how he really feels about this, I am happy to tell DOCS that we will only take one child initially, and later would consider another. This doesn't mean that I wasn't upset about it, but I'm mainly upset about the way Darren went about this, not the one child bit. So I had a bit of an emotional evening. But we came away from it clearer in our views & ideas & with a few topics to follow up on ourselves.
Darren's major worry - I think has been relieved a bit now, & that is that he will say something in our interviews that will cause DOCS to deny us a placement. And then it would be all his fault & I would hold it against him etc, while he is still nervous about the interviews I don't think he is as worried about this now.
On the 26th we had planned a lazy day at home, but Michael rang & asked us to their place for lunch, he had something to tell us. I immediately knew this would involve them going to KL in September & NOT coming back. And I was right. I was not happy, but I was right. Mum is also not happy. It's not that we are possesive of them at all - we just want to keep them here with us! Thus the title of this post.
So the 13th of September is when they leave - Happy Birthday to me.
How can the steal this from me????
Did out tax returns on the Monday night - getting back nearly $3000 - which will go straight on the credit card of doom. This will bring it almost to zero balance & therefore closer to the scissors.
On Saturday the 1st I made a big roast beef dinner & the folks & Jess came over to eat it.
On the Sunday we had Jaydan & Abbey's naming day & Abbey's first birthday celebration at Adam & Amber's place - it was a really lovely day. The weather was perfect & Abbey was gorgeous in the christening gown that was used by all of us. After that Darren & I went to catch up with an old friend.
I spent the next week trying to flog linen at work, to get some outside orders for my linen party on the 9th, I got a couple of orders, but nothing like I have done in the past.
Friday after work Darren met me at Kmart at Hurstville so I could get some add-on drawers that sit on top of the plastic drawers that I already have for all my scrapbooking/card making stuff.
Then we went & got ready for Jess's "come as what you wanted to be when you grew up" cocktail party. I wore a tiara & Darren donned a lot of FORD racing gear. Michael showed up in a sock stuffed wetsuit & Yan had a Miss Universe sash on - I think they would have won best costume if there had been a prize. I didn't drink this year - but almost everyone else did. I just played steal the baby off Grandma.
Saturday I started ripping apart the 2nd room. My goal is to clear shelf & cupboard space, cull if I can, and have the room ready for either a bed or a cot.
I managed to get my craft drawers into the cupboard getting rid of 2 big tubs in the process. I got rid of 2 boxes of books, an over door clothes rack, one bag of clothes, a box of miscalleneous junk, a stack of board games and one of my tool boxes. A bunch of this stuff went to Jess and the rest we took to the Salvos - I just hope Mum doesn't buy back the clothes I took there & give them back to me!
So the room is still a complete mess - but it's getting there. Once I've found a home for everything I want to see how much it is to get sliding doors on the cupboard, or if that's too much I'll be getting some dow & making some curtains up.
We finally got to see Cindy & George on Saturday night, but we were all pretty quite & Cindy was not well at all. We need to make more of an effort to see each other - I felt bad that Isabella had forgotten who I was. She always knew me & would give me a big smile but on Saturday night she took a while to warm to me. We need to remedy that!! Especially if Ayisha is being stolen from me!
Sunday I held my linen party. I ended up selling around $1000 worth so I got about $500 worth of stuff that I wanted for about $200 - so I was happy with that.
And that concludes my catch-up. I am still going to challenge myself to a blog a day, but I can't decide when to start!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Hi!
Well I almost went a month without an entry - very, very lazy I know. But very easy to do. I just kept looking at my laptop & going "nup".
I still really don't feel like making an entry but I guess the guilt got to me. Not sure if I like being made to feel bad for not blogging, it comes under all those things that I start, then stop and then feel bad about stopping. I've actually been playing with a challenge for myself to blog every day for a month. I keep pushing back the start date on that though!
So I went back to work last week after my 2 weeks off. I hate work. It just pisses me off. The only good thing about going back was finding out that I had missed out on the YP training. This would have been the 5th time I had done that training. They like to put us in training when there isn't much work. But they always time it so that when you get out of training WP picks up so much that you don't do YP for ever & by then you need training again. Thank God I missed it.
This Friday night we are having our big Shine dinner (reward program at work). I'm going though I won't be receiving anything. It is being held at Waterfront on the harbour. The Sebel Pier One is above it, so Darren & I have booked a room. We got a fantastic deal which includes a waterfront room & breakfast for 2 for only $219. The breakfast alone is $60 a head (massively overpriced) but because it's included we are happy with that. A couple of other people from work are staying too.
We started to do a spring clean in our bedroom last Saturday. I started before Darren got home from work. We had had a bit of rain get in & I moved a box to find mooouuullddd!!!!!! AGHHHHH. I hate mould. So I chucked the box & emptied all the drawers in the tall boy so I could move it to clean the wall. When I moved the tall boy I then discovered the back of it was also covered in mould. I could clean the wall but I could not get the mould off the back of the drawers. So I stopped & waited till Darren got home. I told him we had to get new drawers. I could not fathom keeping those drawers at all - let alone having them in our room. So we headed to the Salvos & Vinnies - hoping for a 2nd hand bargain. But of course they had nothing, so we went to the Supacentre & checked out 5 or 6 places in there. My God drawers are expensive. We ended up spending $460 for a 9 drawer unit. Our original one was 6 drawers & about my head height. This new one is low line, about my waist height, & I think the drawers are smaller - but I have 3 extra ones so we should be right. And it will not be being placed under the window either! Darren will pick it up on Friday before he comes into the city. Delivery would have added another $55! Rip off.
We've had no news on the DOCS front. As far as I know the next thing will be them talking to our references, & that hasn't happened yet. This weekend I want to start going through what will be the kids room - we need to make it a usable space, & I need to stop using it as a store room for whatever I don't want to look at.
In other news - Amazing Race starts again this week. I spent an hour nursing Ayisha. Darren lost his voice for about 4 days. Supercat spewed in my slippers. I haven't weighed myself for 3 weeks. We need to catch up with the Morphis family. I need to make some more cards. I need to finish typing my grandads notes. I need to finish about 3 cross stitch projects. I need another me.
Back soon - maybe.
I still really don't feel like making an entry but I guess the guilt got to me. Not sure if I like being made to feel bad for not blogging, it comes under all those things that I start, then stop and then feel bad about stopping. I've actually been playing with a challenge for myself to blog every day for a month. I keep pushing back the start date on that though!
So I went back to work last week after my 2 weeks off. I hate work. It just pisses me off. The only good thing about going back was finding out that I had missed out on the YP training. This would have been the 5th time I had done that training. They like to put us in training when there isn't much work. But they always time it so that when you get out of training WP picks up so much that you don't do YP for ever & by then you need training again. Thank God I missed it.
This Friday night we are having our big Shine dinner (reward program at work). I'm going though I won't be receiving anything. It is being held at Waterfront on the harbour. The Sebel Pier One is above it, so Darren & I have booked a room. We got a fantastic deal which includes a waterfront room & breakfast for 2 for only $219. The breakfast alone is $60 a head (massively overpriced) but because it's included we are happy with that. A couple of other people from work are staying too.
We started to do a spring clean in our bedroom last Saturday. I started before Darren got home from work. We had had a bit of rain get in & I moved a box to find mooouuullddd!!!!!! AGHHHHH. I hate mould. So I chucked the box & emptied all the drawers in the tall boy so I could move it to clean the wall. When I moved the tall boy I then discovered the back of it was also covered in mould. I could clean the wall but I could not get the mould off the back of the drawers. So I stopped & waited till Darren got home. I told him we had to get new drawers. I could not fathom keeping those drawers at all - let alone having them in our room. So we headed to the Salvos & Vinnies - hoping for a 2nd hand bargain. But of course they had nothing, so we went to the Supacentre & checked out 5 or 6 places in there. My God drawers are expensive. We ended up spending $460 for a 9 drawer unit. Our original one was 6 drawers & about my head height. This new one is low line, about my waist height, & I think the drawers are smaller - but I have 3 extra ones so we should be right. And it will not be being placed under the window either! Darren will pick it up on Friday before he comes into the city. Delivery would have added another $55! Rip off.
We've had no news on the DOCS front. As far as I know the next thing will be them talking to our references, & that hasn't happened yet. This weekend I want to start going through what will be the kids room - we need to make it a usable space, & I need to stop using it as a store room for whatever I don't want to look at.
In other news - Amazing Race starts again this week. I spent an hour nursing Ayisha. Darren lost his voice for about 4 days. Supercat spewed in my slippers. I haven't weighed myself for 3 weeks. We need to catch up with the Morphis family. I need to make some more cards. I need to finish typing my grandads notes. I need to finish about 3 cross stitch projects. I need another me.
Back soon - maybe.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
7.7
Yes I'm back. I apologise for the slackness. Basically I had nothing interesting to talk about really. Then I've been sick again with no inclination to sign on.
In weighing myself yesterday found out I've lost 7.7 kilos since the beginning of May. I'm happy with that. I really want to see my number go below 100 though.
Massive event occured at 12.03 pm Monday 29th June - Ayisha Clare Laidler made her way into the world. Michael & Sharizan's little one. I went to see her last night - though didn't hold her & tried not to breathe near her - I'm still a bit sick (couldn't stay away though) as I'm headed to Tasmania tomorrow & wouldn't have seen her until she was over a week old - I couldn't do that! She is very petite & has her mama's nose. She is cute as a button & I can't wait to get my hands on her. Little Miss Abbey, Ayisha's cousin who is almost a year old really wanted to touch her - it was funny watching her trying to get her hands on Ayisha.
So I've been feeling pretty disgusting since last Friday, started wheezing at lunchtime & had a full blown fever by that night. Mum dragged me out to a card making thing at Cindy's at which I was miserable. She bought me home 2 hours later just in time for the vomiting to start. So that was great. I've been living on the couch & fighting over the doona with the cats. The most I can stomach is an orange. I can't believe I'm getting on a plane for an even colder climate tomorrow night. I don't usually go to the doctor for colds (unless I need the note for work) & as Friday was my last day at work for 2 weeks (yes that's the 2nd time this year I've been sick in my holidays!) I haven't been to the doctor but unless I have a miraculous overnight recovery I will be going tomorrow. I think I need a puffer of some sort for the chestiness. Mum is not impressed that I'm going away with her sick. I'm not either. I've somehow got to work up the energy to pack. Not to mention shave my legs!
So that's it guys - not much to tell except for Ayisha's arrival. I'll be sure to post when I get back from Tassie - after the 7th.
In weighing myself yesterday found out I've lost 7.7 kilos since the beginning of May. I'm happy with that. I really want to see my number go below 100 though.
Massive event occured at 12.03 pm Monday 29th June - Ayisha Clare Laidler made her way into the world. Michael & Sharizan's little one. I went to see her last night - though didn't hold her & tried not to breathe near her - I'm still a bit sick (couldn't stay away though) as I'm headed to Tasmania tomorrow & wouldn't have seen her until she was over a week old - I couldn't do that! She is very petite & has her mama's nose. She is cute as a button & I can't wait to get my hands on her. Little Miss Abbey, Ayisha's cousin who is almost a year old really wanted to touch her - it was funny watching her trying to get her hands on Ayisha.
So I've been feeling pretty disgusting since last Friday, started wheezing at lunchtime & had a full blown fever by that night. Mum dragged me out to a card making thing at Cindy's at which I was miserable. She bought me home 2 hours later just in time for the vomiting to start. So that was great. I've been living on the couch & fighting over the doona with the cats. The most I can stomach is an orange. I can't believe I'm getting on a plane for an even colder climate tomorrow night. I don't usually go to the doctor for colds (unless I need the note for work) & as Friday was my last day at work for 2 weeks (yes that's the 2nd time this year I've been sick in my holidays!) I haven't been to the doctor but unless I have a miraculous overnight recovery I will be going tomorrow. I think I need a puffer of some sort for the chestiness. Mum is not impressed that I'm going away with her sick. I'm not either. I've somehow got to work up the energy to pack. Not to mention shave my legs!
So that's it guys - not much to tell except for Ayisha's arrival. I'll be sure to post when I get back from Tassie - after the 7th.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Stuff
The floors are done - they look amazing & I'm so happy with them. It has made the space look bigger, even with all the furniture back where it was before. Pyewackett christened them on the first night - it is so much easier to clean cat puke off a hard floor!
The cats were locked in the bathroom during the installation & when we opened the door Supercat just sauntered out like normal, but Pyewackett did not want to step off the tiles onto the wood. She just kept pacing the doorway until I called her to me, she soon got used to it. But they have both had to learn the hard way that they have no braking power on this smooth floor. Supercat spent a good hour head-butting walls while trying to stop. Most entertaining thing I have seen for a long time.
Saturday night we went to the Smithson's for a catch-up, we nearly didn't go because we were pretty tired, but after some tough love from Louise we got off our arses & went. Both of us were glad we did. We had a very relaxed, enjoyable night just chatting & laughing & drinking - a lot! We were also glad it was a long weekend so we had an extra day to recover.
We go to a local club on Thursday nights for raffles & trivia, once a month they have a $400 draw for a voucher. I was lucky enough to win the last one, so on Sunday we headed to Kmart to spend it. We got some new mats, some clothes and a new mop & broom for Darren. Thank God that man loves housework.
I also cooked 7 hour lamb on Sunday for a dinner with Jess, Adam & Xakk. I love this recipe & won't cook a roast any other way now.
preheat oven to 120 degrees Celsius
1 leg of lamb poked with holes & stuffed with garlic bulbs & oregano.
rub it with salt & pepper
brown it in some oil
put in a pot with a lid for the oven
add stock, white wine & a small amount of oil
bay leaves, thyme, rosemary - whatever you want.
put the lid on & leave alone for 7 hours
When done you'll be able to lift the bone straight out of the meat.
I've also used the left over cooking liquid as a soup base - it's so good.
This time I actually put 2 legs in the pot - 1 never seems to be enough. Along with a heap of veggies we had a really nice meal.
We watched Yes Man & Tropic Thunder - both were OK but not fantastic.
I've been making hand made cards on & off for about a year now. A friend runs a nursing home & has asked me to supply the home with birthday cards for the residents for a nominal amount of cash. So on Monday I spent the day making a bunch of cards to fill the order. While watching Australia with Darren. We both liked it.
I'm hoping the cards turn into a bit of a money maker - I'm going to work on stock piling a heap & taking them to work also. We'll see how that goes.
The cats were locked in the bathroom during the installation & when we opened the door Supercat just sauntered out like normal, but Pyewackett did not want to step off the tiles onto the wood. She just kept pacing the doorway until I called her to me, she soon got used to it. But they have both had to learn the hard way that they have no braking power on this smooth floor. Supercat spent a good hour head-butting walls while trying to stop. Most entertaining thing I have seen for a long time.
Saturday night we went to the Smithson's for a catch-up, we nearly didn't go because we were pretty tired, but after some tough love from Louise we got off our arses & went. Both of us were glad we did. We had a very relaxed, enjoyable night just chatting & laughing & drinking - a lot! We were also glad it was a long weekend so we had an extra day to recover.
We go to a local club on Thursday nights for raffles & trivia, once a month they have a $400 draw for a voucher. I was lucky enough to win the last one, so on Sunday we headed to Kmart to spend it. We got some new mats, some clothes and a new mop & broom for Darren. Thank God that man loves housework.
I also cooked 7 hour lamb on Sunday for a dinner with Jess, Adam & Xakk. I love this recipe & won't cook a roast any other way now.
preheat oven to 120 degrees Celsius
1 leg of lamb poked with holes & stuffed with garlic bulbs & oregano.
rub it with salt & pepper
brown it in some oil
put in a pot with a lid for the oven
add stock, white wine & a small amount of oil
bay leaves, thyme, rosemary - whatever you want.
put the lid on & leave alone for 7 hours
When done you'll be able to lift the bone straight out of the meat.
I've also used the left over cooking liquid as a soup base - it's so good.
This time I actually put 2 legs in the pot - 1 never seems to be enough. Along with a heap of veggies we had a really nice meal.
We watched Yes Man & Tropic Thunder - both were OK but not fantastic.
I've been making hand made cards on & off for about a year now. A friend runs a nursing home & has asked me to supply the home with birthday cards for the residents for a nominal amount of cash. So on Monday I spent the day making a bunch of cards to fill the order. While watching Australia with Darren. We both liked it.
I'm hoping the cards turn into a bit of a money maker - I'm going to work on stock piling a heap & taking them to work also. We'll see how that goes.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Home
I'm at home today - I'm very, very tired & just could not drag my butt out of bed this morning.
A very busy week of late nights out, baby shower prep, the actual baby shower, & attending the launch of Wicked has taken it out of me. I'm also very overdue in my cycle (not pregnant) & I have a vague recollection of always feeling very tired when my cycle was all over the place. I'm also extremely moody.
Darren & I are getting on again, after a bumpy few days. He just needs a perspective adjustment sometimes! I think we just need to work on the delivery of that information to him.
I haven't posted a weight loss this week - because I didn't have one. I knew I wouldn't, so this week I wasn't surprised. It means that I've lost 4.3 in 5 weeks, and now I'll just do some perspective adjusting on myself.
A very busy week of late nights out, baby shower prep, the actual baby shower, & attending the launch of Wicked has taken it out of me. I'm also very overdue in my cycle (not pregnant) & I have a vague recollection of always feeling very tired when my cycle was all over the place. I'm also extremely moody.
Darren & I are getting on again, after a bumpy few days. He just needs a perspective adjustment sometimes! I think we just need to work on the delivery of that information to him.
I haven't posted a weight loss this week - because I didn't have one. I knew I wouldn't, so this week I wasn't surprised. It means that I've lost 4.3 in 5 weeks, and now I'll just do some perspective adjusting on myself.
Monday, May 25, 2009
4.4
So I've lost 4.4 kilos in 4 weeks - not bad at all. I am happy with this - but I also know that I could have exercised more & I did have a few meals not supplied from the diet food company. So my goal this week & going forward is to try & get a bit more activity into my life.
On Friday I finally had a phone interview with DOCS - but it took me ringing them to see what was going on, for this to happen. I answered all the questions & spoke about if we would take siblings or if we would be okay taking a baby that was born addicted.
When I got home I started to tell Darren about the interview & when I mentioned about taking siblings he kind of pulled this face & then said he only wanted to take one child & that he only ever wanted one. I was stunned, we had discussed this previously & he agreed with me that we would take siblings if they were offered. (Darren has a history of agreeing to something & then when it comes time for that thing to happen he'll say "oh I never wanted to do this" - this pisses me off.)
He started listing his reasons - first was the fact that we only have the one spare room & that it isn't huge. This isn't a problem for DOCS & they are OK for siblings to share. And it's OK with me - yes it will be tight - but with some good organisation it would be fine. Besides it's not like they'll be in the bedroom all day every day.
Then he started saying it would be harder financially - I stated that we would get extra money for the extra child, & that this in fact would help us, because regardless of one child or two I intended to stay home for at least 6 months.
Then he starts to lecture me about how much my life will change! Like I'm a total idiot, as if I expect everything to stay the same & we'll just have this extra person at the dinner table. For God's Sake! I was a nanny for 7 years & I lived in aswell. The man is delusional if he thinks that I think things won't change for me. I'm quite aware that I won't be able to sit on my lazy bum & watch TV, I'm quite aware that I'll be doing more housework and I'm quite aware that my life will never be the same again.
I got so angry & frustrated (and I think PMS has a part in this) that I totally lost it. Usually in arguments I cry, I try not to but I do. This time I was beyond crying, I was so mad! I threw a bag of stuff that I was taking to Mum's (because you know all this was happening as we are supposed to be going out for dinner) and I roared! Just this massive guttural wall of sound came from so deep within me, that even I was surprised. I then stormed into our room - grabbed the door with both hands & slammed it as hard as I could & then threw myself on the bed.
It took 3 seconds for him to follow me.
We then talked a little more & a little more calmly - I can understand how Darren may think that I am not prepared for the extra work, after all I am very lazy at home & he does do 99% of our housework - BUT - it's not like I can't do it, and it's not like I won't do it. It's just that right now I don't have to do it.
I also tried to get him to understand that this is very hard for me. I'm still struggling with the fact that I feel like deciding to foster means that I've officially given up my chance to have my own baby. He will never understand how I feel about giving up being pregnant, breastfeeding, and everything else that comes with that. Everything that should have been a natural beautiful process is not going to happen for me. And that is hard.
We left for Mum's on better terms, & he did apologies for not being clearer in his expections of what we were stepping into. By the end of the weekend he had also talked to a couple of other people, and seems to be OK with whatever happens now - but we still need to talk more. I need to know that if we get two kids - that on a bad day, that he will never, ever say "I told you so" - because then, then I'd have to kill him.
On Friday I finally had a phone interview with DOCS - but it took me ringing them to see what was going on, for this to happen. I answered all the questions & spoke about if we would take siblings or if we would be okay taking a baby that was born addicted.
When I got home I started to tell Darren about the interview & when I mentioned about taking siblings he kind of pulled this face & then said he only wanted to take one child & that he only ever wanted one. I was stunned, we had discussed this previously & he agreed with me that we would take siblings if they were offered. (Darren has a history of agreeing to something & then when it comes time for that thing to happen he'll say "oh I never wanted to do this" - this pisses me off.)
He started listing his reasons - first was the fact that we only have the one spare room & that it isn't huge. This isn't a problem for DOCS & they are OK for siblings to share. And it's OK with me - yes it will be tight - but with some good organisation it would be fine. Besides it's not like they'll be in the bedroom all day every day.
Then he started saying it would be harder financially - I stated that we would get extra money for the extra child, & that this in fact would help us, because regardless of one child or two I intended to stay home for at least 6 months.
Then he starts to lecture me about how much my life will change! Like I'm a total idiot, as if I expect everything to stay the same & we'll just have this extra person at the dinner table. For God's Sake! I was a nanny for 7 years & I lived in aswell. The man is delusional if he thinks that I think things won't change for me. I'm quite aware that I won't be able to sit on my lazy bum & watch TV, I'm quite aware that I'll be doing more housework and I'm quite aware that my life will never be the same again.
I got so angry & frustrated (and I think PMS has a part in this) that I totally lost it. Usually in arguments I cry, I try not to but I do. This time I was beyond crying, I was so mad! I threw a bag of stuff that I was taking to Mum's (because you know all this was happening as we are supposed to be going out for dinner) and I roared! Just this massive guttural wall of sound came from so deep within me, that even I was surprised. I then stormed into our room - grabbed the door with both hands & slammed it as hard as I could & then threw myself on the bed.
It took 3 seconds for him to follow me.
We then talked a little more & a little more calmly - I can understand how Darren may think that I am not prepared for the extra work, after all I am very lazy at home & he does do 99% of our housework - BUT - it's not like I can't do it, and it's not like I won't do it. It's just that right now I don't have to do it.
I also tried to get him to understand that this is very hard for me. I'm still struggling with the fact that I feel like deciding to foster means that I've officially given up my chance to have my own baby. He will never understand how I feel about giving up being pregnant, breastfeeding, and everything else that comes with that. Everything that should have been a natural beautiful process is not going to happen for me. And that is hard.
We left for Mum's on better terms, & he did apologies for not being clearer in his expections of what we were stepping into. By the end of the weekend he had also talked to a couple of other people, and seems to be OK with whatever happens now - but we still need to talk more. I need to know that if we get two kids - that on a bad day, that he will never, ever say "I told you so" - because then, then I'd have to kill him.
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