4.4

So I've lost 4.4 kilos in 4 weeks - not bad at all. I am happy with this - but I also know that I could have exercised more & I did have a few meals not supplied from the diet food company. So my goal this week & going forward is to try & get a bit more activity into my life.

On Friday I finally had a phone interview with DOCS - but it took me ringing them to see what was going on, for this to happen. I answered all the questions & spoke about if we would take siblings or if we would be okay taking a baby that was born addicted.

When I got home I started to tell Darren about the interview & when I mentioned about taking siblings he kind of pulled this face & then said he only wanted to take one child & that he only ever wanted one. I was stunned, we had discussed this previously & he agreed with me that we would take siblings if they were offered. (Darren has a history of agreeing to something & then when it comes time for that thing to happen he'll say "oh I never wanted to do this" - this pisses me off.)

He started listing his reasons - first was the fact that we only have the one spare room & that it isn't huge. This isn't a problem for DOCS & they are OK for siblings to share. And it's OK with me - yes it will be tight - but with some good organisation it would be fine. Besides it's not like they'll be in the bedroom all day every day.

Then he started saying it would be harder financially - I stated that we would get extra money for the extra child, & that this in fact would help us, because regardless of one child or two I intended to stay home for at least 6 months.

Then he starts to lecture me about how much my life will change! Like I'm a total idiot, as if I expect everything to stay the same & we'll just have this extra person at the dinner table. For God's Sake! I was a nanny for 7 years & I lived in aswell. The man is delusional if he thinks that I think things won't change for me. I'm quite aware that I won't be able to sit on my lazy bum & watch TV, I'm quite aware that I'll be doing more housework and I'm quite aware that my life will never be the same again.

I got so angry & frustrated (and I think PMS has a part in this) that I totally lost it. Usually in arguments I cry, I try not to but I do. This time I was beyond crying, I was so mad! I threw a bag of stuff that I was taking to Mum's (because you know all this was happening as we are supposed to be going out for dinner) and I roared! Just this massive guttural wall of sound came from so deep within me, that even I was surprised. I then stormed into our room - grabbed the door with both hands & slammed it as hard as I could & then threw myself on the bed.

It took 3 seconds for him to follow me.

We then talked a little more & a little more calmly - I can understand how Darren may think that I am not prepared for the extra work, after all I am very lazy at home & he does do 99% of our housework - BUT - it's not like I can't do it, and it's not like I won't do it. It's just that right now I don't have to do it.

I also tried to get him to understand that this is very hard for me. I'm still struggling with the fact that I feel like deciding to foster means that I've officially given up my chance to have my own baby. He will never understand how I feel about giving up being pregnant, breastfeeding, and everything else that comes with that. Everything that should have been a natural beautiful process is not going to happen for me. And that is hard.

We left for Mum's on better terms, & he did apologies for not being clearer in his expections of what we were stepping into. By the end of the weekend he had also talked to a couple of other people, and seems to be OK with whatever happens now - but we still need to talk more. I need to know that if we get two kids - that on a bad day, that he will never, ever say "I told you so" - because then, then I'd have to kill him.

Quote

Our flooring quote came back at $3620 - so we signed on the dotted line. The installation will take place on the 6th of June. I can't wait to say good-bye to my disgusting cat vomit stained carpet. They are also offering a rug at cost price to everyone who orders hard flooring from them - so we will take up that offer later.

I can just imagine how nice it is going to look - hopefully it will also help to bring some light into a pretty dark apartment. We chose a golden honey shade called Beach something. We will now commence playing furniture Tetris until we can completely clear our living area floor. That will be fun!

I'm also relieved that the awful carpet will be gone before DOCS come anywhere near my place. We are still waiting to hear from them. It has been about a month since I sent our application. So I'm going to give them a call on Monday.

Next step is to replace or re-upholster the couch that my darling cats have absolutely ruined. But to do that we need some cat max mesh put up on the balcony so that the little buggers can spend their days outside. And their nights inside with us and a water bottle.

One

This number is prominent this week.

I lost 1kg for a total of 3.8kg in 3 weeks - I'm very pleased with this. Particularly with the winterness that is happening in Sydney. I really would like some starchy comfort food. But I'm managing & I'm not starving - just really ready to eat!

I was also 1 number off in the lotto - one more number would have got us 1.5 million dollars! Instead we got $1380 - so even though this is great - 1.5 mill - would have been fantastic - Janna you would have been making up a bed.

Can't remember if I've mentioned it already, but at work I've signed on for the Global Corporate Challenge. This involves forming a group of 7 members & wearing a pedometer to keep track of your steps. Then you log your steps & the site tells you where in the world you have walked to. The start point is in India. And we start logging our steps on the 22nd for steps taken on the 21st. Here's the link if you want to see where I am - you can log on as a spectator.

http://www.gcc2009.com/Login.aspx?ReturnUrl=%2fDefault.aspx

The rest of my week consisted of work, our weekly trivia/raffle night, and a beautiful seafood dinner (off diet!) at SeaLevel in Cronulla with Mum & Dad, Michael & Yan. Each couple had a massive sea food platter. It was great but man did my body rebel when I got home.

On Sunday morning we went to Harvey Norman to get an idea of costs to get rid of our carpet & put down a floating wood laminate instead. They wanted about $6000!!! Way too high for us. So we went to Carpet Call - & they said around $3800 - much better. So the guy is coming tonight to measure up & give a final quote. We'll be happy if it doesn't go over $4000.

1.1

I'm surprised - but happy with my week 2 result. I didn't actually walk in week 2 & went off diet a little (alcohol, and a night out) so I was expecting to be disappointed. So this result made me very happy & a little bit motivated.

We had a night out in the city to see Guys & Dolls at The Capitol Theatre - it was ok - but not great. What was great was the accommodation we booked at World Tower in the serviced apartments. We were in a massive 3 bedroom apartment with huge living areas. And the view from our floor to ceiling windows on the 65 floor was amazing. Looking west from the CBD out over Darling Harbour and North over the Harbour Bridge. We had initially planned to eat at a restaurant - but got take-away instead so that we could enjoy the view.
We are going to see Chicago! in July and even though it's on at Star City Casino we may book this same accommodation. Actually I'm seeing French & Saunders on the 8th of July then Chicago! on the 10th, I'm very tempted to book 3 nights & just stay in the City. Now if only I can get my budget to stretch that far.

Sunday was Mother's Day & a bunch of us went to Tea by the Sea in Stanwell Park, a pretty little cottage that serves High Tea. It was very nice except for the bit when the owner asked "how many mothers are here today?" and every woman at our table got to put up their hand except for me. It's those things that feel like a punch in the guts.

Commute

I'm on public transport about 1 and 1/2 hours a day & have been doing this for about 12 years. I can't understand how people can be so damn ignorant of the fact that they are NOT in their own home - I have deemed it neccessary to lay down a few simple rules!

1. No toenail clipping on the train - in fact no nail clipping of any kind.
2. Turn the volume down on your Nintendo/PSP/mobile phone or put your headphones in when playing your stupid game.
3. Move over - it's not illegal to sit next to the window.
4. Move your feet - that way you don't have to give me a dirty look when I tread on them.
5. Don't sit in front of me & brush your hair.
6. Brush your teeth.
7. Wear deodorant.
8. Don't fart.
9. Girls keep you knees together.
10. Do not ever get on the train with any food item that smells remotely like hot chips!

Now if only we could get these to be a finable offence. Give the train police something to do instead of hassling people for tickets.

1.7

That's what I dropped in weight last week. So that was 1 week of diet food & 2 thirty-five minute walks (would have been 3, but it rained). So I'm happy with that. I know it's only week 1 and that I probably won't continue with losses that big every week, but even at 1kg a week I'd be happy. So I celebrated with cake & alcohol!
Not enjoying the walking at all, I have to force myself off the train. The first walk I just stuck in my headphones & it went fairly quickly. The second walk, Darren joined me & talked AT me the whole way home - I think he helped me walk faster because I just wanted to get away from the "Blah, Blah work, Blah, blah" that was spewing from him. I love the man to death - but honestly I said nothing all the way home!

Spent the weekend with friends making cards out of the billions of dollars of supplies we have brought recently. Trying to get enough made to put some packs of 10 or 12 together to maybe sell them - will show them at work & see what happens. At the very least I will soon own a card for every occasion.

Busy weekend coming up.