Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Heart

The heart is an amazing thing, it's been on my mind a lot lately, not only because of heartburn.

A part of your body as normal as your elbow, yet it feels emotion. It breaks when you lose a loved one, it swells with happiness with good news & I can feel mine growing everyday with this baby. Sometimes if I think about it too much my heart feels like it will burst from my chest with the joy & love that it's trying to contain. And the thought that there are 2 hearts beating in my one body is sometimes just a little bit weird! Not to mention the extra head I'm growing.

(that's 2 heartbeats including my own - NOT twins!)

Yesterday we heard Sophie/Jacks heartbeat, & once again I was in tears. I just can't believe it.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Benedict

We had a fairly busy weekend, my friend Dee the clairvoyant came up on Friday from down the coast & we had a lovely dinner at the local chinese with mum, dad, Jess, Adam, Xakk and us. It was a very enjoyable meal.

Saturday Dee did 4 readings, while I entertained those waiting. Then we drove Dee home & called in to Denise & Beth's. We weren't going to stay long but we were having such a nice time that we stayed for dinner & didn't get home until almost midnight. It was great just hanging out on the couch, talking & laughing.
The girls wanted to do the wedding ring over my belly thing to see what sex the baby is. So they googled the rules & all had a turn. The ring didn't move for a couple but for 2 it went in a definite circle so apparently I'm having a girl - I won't be rushing out to buy pink stuff yet though!

Sunday Darren & I went to Miranda to get some clothes for me. First we had breakfast in one of the Cafes there. I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but I got teary over breakfast! It was Darren's fault though - I love eggs benedict, it is my favourite cafe breakfast item. But at the moment I can't have it - what with the runny egg, ham & possibly unwashed spinach. So we are sitting in the cafe & Darren says that he is going to order eggs benedict! I really thought he was joking, but he wasn't! I said "how could you, how could you order my favourite food & eat it in front of me?" he just looked at me, & watched me start tearing up. I then said "if you do this I will write about it" so he backed down & had the sausage with eggs - I almost felt guilty - but I didn't.

I got 3 new dresses - really comfy ones with just elastic around the top & then flowing out - (like the black & white ones we got the same - Janna) a little shrug top some new knickers (cause mine are getting too tight & uncomfy & a body pillow. But I cannot shop like I used to - I think Darren was very happy about that.

We went to Mum & Dad's for dinner & so I could watch some Amazing Race that my dvr failed to record. Then headed home early for bed.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Scan 3

So I'm not an expert at getting images into this blog - but here is the best I can do....




I know - looks like Pinocchio right!

Fortunately that is fingers beside the babies head - not a proboscis!
If you're having trouble deciphering - this is a left side-on view, head at the top. The fingers that are lined up with the nose belong to the hand & arm that were waving around on the babies right hand side.
I've got 4 pictures & this is the best one.

This was the scan that checks for Down Syndrome & some other chromosomal stuff - we passed with flying colours, thank God. Everything looks good & we are still measuring for the early June due date. It is so weird to look at the screen & see something moving around but not being able to feel it inside you. It still seems crazy to me that this is even happening, I feel so lucky.

I've been feeling mostly good. Lots less nausea, although the heat this last weekend knocked me around a bit, on Sunday I ended up just sitting in the bottom of the shower, letting the water run, I was trying to wash my hair but got a bit faint, so just sat down. The cats found it amusing. Sunday night was very hot, until around 12.30 when the cool change came through, I didn't get much sleep though.

We went out Friday night for Louise's birthday to Caringbah Inn. We had a nice dinner & got to catch up a bit with that crowd, but we didn't stay late as Darren had work. I would have stayed & bludged a lift with someone, but I was too tired.
Saturday night we went to a fund raiser, which I didn't know until I got there was actually for a girl I went to school with. We went because the band "Hip Replacement" had my uncles brother in law in it. They were really good, playing lots of oldies. The dance floor was packed the whole time.

Sunday was spent trying to stay cool. The cats love this weather, the bathroom gets really, really hot, in fact we call it the sauna, they get in there on the towel rails & just stretch out in the heat, they can barely open their eyes to look at you when you go in there. Every now & then they run out & lie on the lounge room floor in front of the fan - but not for long.

So scan 4 at around 20 weeks will be done sometime from the 11th of January & I have my first visit to the ante-natal clinic on the 15th of December, & I think there's a doctors visit in there somewhere as well.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Blood

I have chosen my preferred blood taker & I will no longer go to anyone else!

I had to have blood taken this week to be used in conjunction with the nuchal translucency scan on Friday to determine our probability of any chromosomal abnormalities. I decided to go to pathology at Kareena as they will take blood up til 10.30 at night & this way I could do it out of work hours.

So Darren picked me up after he finished work & we went down there, no-one else was waiting so it didn't take long to get in, but the woman was hopeless, she stabbed me 4 times & got nothing, I've bled more cutting up carrots! She then said that she wouldn't try any more & that I would have to go to Sutherland in the morning & get them to do it. She also said that they opened at 7.30, so I thought at least I won't be too late for work.

Anyway, this morning Dad picks me up & makes sure I get to the place by 7.30, he drops me off & leaves, I go in & there's a lovely sign saying that they don't open til 8 - argh! Then I try to use my mobile & it won't ring out - & it wasn't a reception issue. So I end up accosting some guy for his mobile phone so I can ring my boss & tell her I'll be late.

Thankfully the chick at Sutho is great, & the only reason I didn't just go to her first was because of the work thing - but next time I'm just going straight to her, she takes one jab & gets everything she needs. I was on the train in no time & only ended up being 1/2 an hour late.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Scan 2

All my blood work & the second scan we had came back fine. Actually my blood work showed that my sugar levels are the best they have ever been. My doctor thought that this baby would make things worse. Seems that it's making things better! At least for now. Let's just hope that the 20 week results come back just as good.

Otherwise things are mostly the same. I'm tired & a bit moody, I had my first meltdown - after a bad day at work, I got home to find Darren had made a bath for me & my favourite magazine had arrived, so I lay in that bath for a good hour just relaxing & it was great till I got out & spewed. Ruining the whole relaxed feeling! Then I had a cry. Darren just cuddled me & said "I think you should have an early night!". I know I've said it before, but he has just been great. I keep telling him that too.

I spent last weekend making cards for the nursing home with mum, & plan this weekend to make some more to sell at work. I hope I get around to it, I might be too busy laying on the lounge, ooh I might finally get around to watching season 3 of Dexter that I got for my birthday. Either way I won't be doing much.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Update

So I'm trying to change my countdown ticker over there on the left, after our 2 ultrasounds we now have a new due date 06/06/2010. So that ticker should say 8 weeks & 3 days - I'll get there eventually.

Not too much to report. Had a fairly quiet weekend, topped off by a fantastic baked dinner featuring both beef & lamb on Sunday night. Totally fudged my cooking method & everything turned out great.

Monday morning I walked in the torrential rain to fill 8 vials with my blood. Then hung out on the couch waiting till 1pm when I had to drink my litre of water. By the time Darren came to get me at 3.30 I was busting! Thank God they didn't make me wait too long to go in. Scared myself for a second by confusing my bladder with my uterus - then focused on the little heart beat again. All still looks good.

Got a doctors appointment Thursday to talk about shared care etc & she will also have all the blood test results back. Then we've got Wicked on Friday night - I hope it's good.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Scare

I think I can only write about this because we had a happy outcome. But on Tuesday night I had a significant amount of bleeding, enough to totally freak me out, and make me think the worse.

It was just after 7, Darren was working late so I rang him to see if he was on his way home, he was close by so I said "don't put the car away - something is wrong" he came in & got me & we went to Kareena hospital after hours.

The whole time we waited I was just a mess. Darren was very good, just holding my hand.
We finally went in & the Dr was a complete git. Not one bit of empathy, I understand that these things happen, but in the middle of what you think is the worst time of your life, to be told to have a glass of wine & watch "rafters" - that'll cheer you up - was NOT appropriate. I just shut down at that point.

He gave me a form to get an ultrasound in the morning. We went home & I tried to ring Mum & Dad, but when Dad answered I just couldn't talk - Darren took the phone & explained, they offered to come over, but I said no. If it was bad, it was bad & them being there wouldn't make a difference.

Needless to say there was not much sleeping done Tuesday night. In the morning I rang Sutherland to get the ultrasound & the woman says "we've got nothing til next Wednesday" I explained that it was urgent, I was about 8 weeks & had, had bleeding and needed to check, & I'm crying at this point - she just repeats "we've got nothing til next Wednesday" - I hung up.
I rang Miranda & the lovely lady there heard how upset I was & said though they had no spaces she would get me in - & to start drinking the water & come there at 9.30.

Mum picked me up & we only had to wait about 10 minutes before I went in. The longest 10 minutes of my life. I told the lady that I'd had some bleeding & why I was there. She took about 20 seconds to turn the screen & show me the heart beat - flickering away like crazy - I just burst into tears. I don't think I have ever felt so relieved in my life. She then said she would do an internal for a better view. So I got to go pee & then I got mum to come in.

The baby measured at about 1.4cm & the heartbeat was about 173 beat a minute. We couldn't really tell head from bum, but it all looked good and in the right position. I'm in love with a little tiny flickering blob!

As soon as we got out I rang Darren & mum rang dad. Then we went to eat!

We are still having our booked in scan on Monday - so Darren can fall in love too!

So we've that out of our system now, ok baby - no more scary stuff!!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Eight

As you can see by my ticker we are currently at week eight.
And I am feeling it.
I am feeling the sore boobs, the constant nausea, the tiredness & the crabbiness. And I'm sure Darren is feeling it too!
I keep reminding myself that I wanted this, that I prayed for this, that I wished for this, over & over again throughout the last 10 years. But man I hate the vomiting!

Work is also sucking right now. The new system is not great - I'm sure it will be eventually, but I really can't understand how they can launch it when we can't use it. Not only was our training woeful, but the system is so plagued with errors that even when we know what to do - the system won't do it. I was getting very stressed about this & actually found myself in tears at home, than Darren snapped me out of it. I can't fix it so I need to not let it bother me. So I totally swung the other way & just totally ignored it for a week. Today I made a little headway into understand some of the processes but the errors stuff it up, so I'll just keep plodding along - at least everyone is in the same boat.

On Saturday morning we went to LOOK at prams - so of course we brought one! (I did make them write on the receipt that we could have a full refund if required though!) We got a Steelcraft Strider DLX - it is a travel system but we didn't buy the capsule bit - cause baby will probably only use it for 6 months & we'd need another seat anyway. We did get the bassinet & the stroller bit though. You should have seen Darren kicking the tires & checking the welds! He was amazed by Babies Galore & kept saying "what's that?" "what does that do?" "Do we need one of them?" - they are having a massive sale this weekend - so we may go back & get a car seat.

We have our first scan a week from today (26th) so fingers crossed that all is well & this little one sticks to the end.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

HOW?

How do I get pregnant? - not technically obviously - but how?
After 10 years of all sorts of up & downs & meds & natural stuff & doing nothing & going back on the pill & giving up & applying to be foster carers - How does this happen!!!

We are currently sitting at 6 weeks & 2 days pregnant - & I still don't know how. I'm happy, worried, excited, scared, obsessing, stressing & in dream land all at once. I'm constantly repeating the same little mantra in my head all day "easy pregnancy, healthy baby" it's all I can think about.

I'm more teary than usual, can't watch the news. I'm extra gaggy (if that's a word) I'm bad enough normally. I'm tired, so, so tired. I'm so, so bloated!

Darren is great, so proud of himself & so excited. He is looking after me so well. This will be a massive learning curve for him. Last night he said "so the baby needs what, 3 or 4 grow suits?" I just shook my head - he has no idea. He is asking about camping next Easter - I'll be around 7 & 1/2 months then - I suggested we waited a little longer before we worry about the logistics of getting my fat arse up onto that camping trailer bed - we may need some kind of pulley system. He sometimes doesn't realise when I'm joking.

So now we wait. We have a 9 week scan on the 26th of October to determine how many babies & to make sure it's where it should be. Then the normal 12 week scan. So fingers crossed people!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Quick!!!

So, so busy - the new systems training is killing me!
NO time to update properly here.
Give me another week & I'll provide a full update.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Weekend

We had a packed weekend, mostly spent in lovely surrounds.

Darren picked me up from work on Friday & we went & checked into The Swissotel on Market St. From the minute we walked in the door we felt like everyone was there just for us. The concierge took our bags & directed us up to level 8 for check-in. The staff at check-in were friendly & informative. We went up to our room on the 22nd floor, & as I put the key in the door I said to Darren "I'm expecting this room to be great" & it was. Lots of space, a king size bed & a gorgeous bathroom. Our bags arrived & the guy gave us a walk through of the room, telling us how everything worked - even the complimentary cappuccino machine!

We went & checked out the pool area so we could decide whether we would have a drink by the pool, in our room or at the bar. There were other people hanging around "our" pool. So we opted to have a drink in the Lobby Bar. It was there that I discovered my new favourite drink - a Toffee Apple. So, so good. I had 2 & was very close to drunk! We wandered back upstairs to get ready for dinner. I had a lovely bath, & got dolled up.

The Restaurant specialises in fondue - 3 types. We chose to not have the fondue as our main because Jess & Adam were coming to check in the next day & we thought it would be more fun to have it with them. So we both ordered steak & it was cooked to perfection. We then had a chocolate fondue for desert - very yummy. Then we headed upstairs to enjoy our room.

Next morning we had a great buffet breakfast, including made to order omelette's, waffles & rosti. We then walked to the QVB building to see if the Pandora shop was open, so Darren could get me some more Pandora charms for my birthday. It was open, I chose 2 new charms, one is a purple murano glass & the other is silver with amethysts in it. After the QVB we walked towards Darling Harbour, our booking at the hotel came with a double pass to the Aquarium or the Wildlife World. As Darren had never been to the Aquarium we chose that. It was ok, we saw the shark feeding - more sedate then I expected, & the dugongs were pretty cute also.

For lunch we headed to The James Squires Brewhouse on King St Wharf. This place is huge, way bigger then I expected. As the weather was really warming up & we knew we would be here for a while we chose to sit inside at a booth with comfy seats. I started with ice-water & Darren ordered a Highwayman brew. We just sat & relaxed, talking a bit about our course the next day & what might happen there. After about an hour Jess & Adam arrived & we ordered our lunch. Darren & I went small as we'd had that huge breakfast & knew we would be having an early dinner.

After lunch we headed back towards the hotel so Jess & Adam could check-in. Darren & I went into Myer for a bit. Then we all met up back at the hotel. Darren & Adam watched the V8's while Jess & I hung out in her room. We then got ready for dinner & went for a cocktail in the bar downstairs - I introduced Jess to the toffee apple & she like it too.

For dinner we all ordered the Fondue Chinoise, which consists of 2 different broths, one chicken based & one beef based, though not strongly tasting of these, being placed on the table in the traditional looking fondue set up. The idea was that you went to the buffet & selected from a range of raw meat & seafood that has been thinly sliced. There was also a large variety of dipping sauces, & a very large salad bar. You threaded your meat onto the skewers provided then used the broth to cook it. It was fun & something different & Darren ate his weight in prawns! Jess & Adam had the chocolate fondue for desert & Darren & I shared a banana cheesecake.

We all had tickets for Avenue Q - http://www.avenueqthemusical.com.au/ - so we headed to the Theatre Royal - at a fast walk - as we were running late! We made it in time & settled in to watch the funniest most inappropriate puppet show that I have ever seen. This is a great show, but definitely not for anyone who is easily offended & definitely not for kids!

When the show was over we went back to the hotel & stopped in the bar for another drink, we discussed if we were going to have breakfast together or not, as Darren & I would be leaving the hotel by 8am to get to the 8.50am start for our course & the others didn't have to leave until 11am. We decided if they were up they would join us but if not they wouldn't. They didn't - but a very groggy looking Jess wrapped in a towel knocked on our door at 7.15am & handed me an Eeyore pen for my birthday! Funny.

We got the car after breakfast & headed to Strawberry Hills for our course. We were both a bit nervous about what to expect. There are 26 people in the group - more than I expected, & it gets heavy straight away. I guess you know that these kids aren't in lovely homes & that is why they come into care, but I guess most people don't realise how bad the situation can be.

We had a full day, with a couple of breaks for the nice food that is supplied. We covered lots of stuff including confidentiality, which is a major thing. Darren did great - he stayed awake & participated well! I was a little worried I'd catch him napping - as he is doing long hours at work & when he's just sitting he usually goes to sleep! We have 2 more Sundays & then about 6 more assessments at our home. Our contact has told us that those assessments may not take place until next year.

We finished up at about 5.15pm & went straight to Loftus for my Birthday dinner. I did get the 2 pies as requested so that was yummy. I also got Dexter season 3 & some pj's. The night finished early as we had to get home & check the cats. They were happy to see us. But I was not happy to see their vomit.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Aftermath

So to report on the DOCS visit. It was interesting. Lots of questions & information, leaving us with more things to think about.

The only answer we gave that was received with a small amount of negativity was that I would, after 4 or 5 months, have to go back to work for 3 days a week. Apparently they really don't like you to work more then 2 days, or for the child to be away from a parent for more than 2 days. But, I know that this won't be a major issue. Honestly if they knock us back for this reason alone, that would be crazy. I think they have to state what they see as the ideal situation & then they'll work with you to get as close to that as possible. Obviously I would love not to have to go back to work, but we have to be practical & do stuff like PAY THE MORTGAGE!

It was a 2 hour visit. We covered topics such as our infertility & how we have dealt with that (counselling), what age child we would like (under 2), whether we would do a short term placement (no), whether we would take siblings (maybe), whether we would take a special needs child (no), what we would do if the child was OK when it came to us but had issues in the future (deal with it as it comes, educate ourselves - would not send child back) and questions about the people in our lives.

We asked about medical records & medical care, travel, visitation with natural parents & siblings, the training course & a bunch of other stuff that came up.

She did a basic check of our place, seeing if there were any obvious dangers. The only thing we need to do - which we are anyway - is get some cupboard doors for the 2nd bedroom. The other thing we want to do is put some catmax catmesh up on our balcony so Supercat & Pyewackett can go outside without supervision, also the cat litter can go out there too.

The other thing we spoke about was how the process is very long, as I said previously I expected things to slow down. She thinks that after the course ends (27/09) that we could be waiting until next year for the next step of assessment to start. They are very understaffed. So we'll just wait.

Tonight we check into The Swissotel for our 2 night stay. I can't wait. Fondue for dinner tonight, buffet breakfasts, a visit to the Pandora shop & Avenue Q tickets for Saturday night, all leading up to day 1 of our course on Sunday.

Also I requested Hostage in a Pie & a Lemon Meringue birthday cake for Sunday night - I hope mum heard me!

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Wednesday

So the chick from DOCS rings me on Friday - "can I come & see you guys on Wednesday" !!! Man, we have gone from nothing really happening to full speed ahead! although I do expect it to slow down again. Though it may not - confused? - me too.

So D & I are trying to work out our finances - because we will lose money while we do this. We don't care - but we do need to be sensible or at least try to be - & have some kind plan in place.

We are alternating between excitement & keeping calm, we want to plan for things but really can't until we know the age of the child. Even though we are requesting as young as possible, we don't know whether that will mean a little baby or a toddler who may already be used to sleeping in a big bed. I went to a linen party last week & couldn't even look at buying anything for the kid - one - I don't know cot or bed & - two - we are still being accessed & could possibly not get a placement at all. Although I think this would be highly unlikely.

So I cracked & made one purchase relating to this adventure. An over the car seat thingy. It goes onto the back of a front car seat & has lots of pockets to hold stuff in front of the child, while they are in the back seat. It wasn't boy or girl specific & I figure if things don't work out - I can use it as a christmas gift.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Rescheduled

They moved the training. This is kind of OK & kind of a bummer.

The problem is that it now starts on the 13th of September. So instead of a lovely sleep in & leisurely buffet breakfast at our hotel - we are now getting up early & heading to the training place. Pluses are that by staying at the hotel we will actually be closer to the training location then we would have been if we stayed at home, and of course the quicker we do the training - hopefully the quicker we'll have a placement.

And I don't really feel like I'm allowed to whinge about it being bought forward - except that this day is also the day that Michael & Yan take Ayisha from me! Ha ha. So our plan to see them before they head to the airport will now not happen. Saves me from having a teary farewell I guess.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

News!

First things first - DOCS finally did our referee checks on the 17th & 18th of August, after telling me they were doing them on the 24th of July. Then I received an email on the 21st telling me about the dates for our training course - YEAH!!!! Even though those dates are in November, at least it's progress.

How do I feel about this? It's a funny thing, I went from being a little bit anxious & eager for them to hurry up & get the referee checks done, to feeling quite nervous now that things are really, really happening. Darren just wants it all to be done & for us to have a child with us.
We were lying in bed talking about our yearly camping trip & he was saying where will the kid sleep? and that we'll need to take a microwave to heat bottles & what about the extra room needed in the car (we pack it like a tetris game now!) And I just had to tell him to put it all out of his head & worry about it later! Otherwise like me - he'll never get any sleep!

I want to start planning - God knows I love a plan & a good list. But - it just feels too early. I'm having a hard enough time trying to make a bedroom out of a store/craft/game playing room as it is. I thought I had got rid of a lot of stuff out of that room, but really it's not enough. I don't want it to feel like we are just shoving the child in anywhere - it has to feel like a real space for them. Also we had a big BBQ on Saturday night & little Abbey was over (she has just turned one) she spent the whole time showing me exactly how to child proof my place! All the stuff we moved out of her way will now need to find a new home. She was very helpful!!

I've had a couple more orders for cards from the nursing home & will have to spend this weekend filling an order for 20. My aim is to try & do double that & then a few more as often as possible to try & build up a bit of a stockpile - that way I don't have to stay up til 1 in the morning trying to get them done on time. Also I want to take some to work & see if there is any interest there.

My birthday is coming up - always exciting. We are booked to see Avenue Q on the 12th so I have booked a room at the Swissotel in the city for the Friday & Saturday night. Darren & I will have a bit of alone time (I'll be dragging him to the Pandora store!) & then Jess & Adam will join us on Saturday night for the show. I'm also hoping to see Yan, Michael & Ayisha before they fly out on the Sunday, but this might be too sad!

Monday, August 10, 2009

Noooooooooo!

So what's been going on?
Let me see - I'll just go back into my calendar & see if I can fill in the gaps.

Friday the 24th of July I had my big work dinner reward thingy in the city at WatersEdge not the Waterfront as I previously called it. We had a really good night - probably because I was half way smashed when we arrived. So there was much frivolity & dancing & catching up with staff from regional offices that I either have never met face to face or that I haven't seen in ages.
The accommodation at the Sebel Pier One was not as fancy as I had expected though. They rely very heavily on the fantastic views available & seem to have let the decor slip. Star City Casino has nicer rooms.

We went from the Sebel to Miranda to purchase a Pandora bracelet & charm for Abbey Rose my Goddaughter/niece. Then home to put our new drawers in our room. This meant a bit of furniture movement & then me putting all my undies/bras/socks/pj's/ etc into the new drawers & rearranging the items that I keep on top, jewelry box, alarm clock etc. Darren has decreed that nothing else is allowed to be kept on top of the drawers - he is dreaming.

After organising our room we went to Louise & Andrews for dinner. We wanted to get together with them & talk a bit about the fostering process. I had initially thought that this would mainly benefit Darren, being able to talk to Andrew - but turns out it was important for both of us.
The topic of siblings came up again. And once again Darren has back flipped on this, only this time he managed to explain to me in a different way why he didn't want to take on two children at once. Knowing now how he really feels about this, I am happy to tell DOCS that we will only take one child initially, and later would consider another. This doesn't mean that I wasn't upset about it, but I'm mainly upset about the way Darren went about this, not the one child bit. So I had a bit of an emotional evening. But we came away from it clearer in our views & ideas & with a few topics to follow up on ourselves.
Darren's major worry - I think has been relieved a bit now, & that is that he will say something in our interviews that will cause DOCS to deny us a placement. And then it would be all his fault & I would hold it against him etc, while he is still nervous about the interviews I don't think he is as worried about this now.

On the 26th we had planned a lazy day at home, but Michael rang & asked us to their place for lunch, he had something to tell us. I immediately knew this would involve them going to KL in September & NOT coming back. And I was right. I was not happy, but I was right. Mum is also not happy. It's not that we are possesive of them at all - we just want to keep them here with us! Thus the title of this post.
So the 13th of September is when they leave - Happy Birthday to me.
How can the steal this from me????



Did out tax returns on the Monday night - getting back nearly $3000 - which will go straight on the credit card of doom. This will bring it almost to zero balance & therefore closer to the scissors.

On Saturday the 1st I made a big roast beef dinner & the folks & Jess came over to eat it.

On the Sunday we had Jaydan & Abbey's naming day & Abbey's first birthday celebration at Adam & Amber's place - it was a really lovely day. The weather was perfect & Abbey was gorgeous in the christening gown that was used by all of us. After that Darren & I went to catch up with an old friend.

I spent the next week trying to flog linen at work, to get some outside orders for my linen party on the 9th, I got a couple of orders, but nothing like I have done in the past.

Friday after work Darren met me at Kmart at Hurstville so I could get some add-on drawers that sit on top of the plastic drawers that I already have for all my scrapbooking/card making stuff.
Then we went & got ready for Jess's "come as what you wanted to be when you grew up" cocktail party. I wore a tiara & Darren donned a lot of FORD racing gear. Michael showed up in a sock stuffed wetsuit & Yan had a Miss Universe sash on - I think they would have won best costume if there had been a prize. I didn't drink this year - but almost everyone else did. I just played steal the baby off Grandma.

Saturday I started ripping apart the 2nd room. My goal is to clear shelf & cupboard space, cull if I can, and have the room ready for either a bed or a cot.
I managed to get my craft drawers into the cupboard getting rid of 2 big tubs in the process. I got rid of 2 boxes of books, an over door clothes rack, one bag of clothes, a box of miscalleneous junk, a stack of board games and one of my tool boxes. A bunch of this stuff went to Jess and the rest we took to the Salvos - I just hope Mum doesn't buy back the clothes I took there & give them back to me!
So the room is still a complete mess - but it's getting there. Once I've found a home for everything I want to see how much it is to get sliding doors on the cupboard, or if that's too much I'll be getting some dow & making some curtains up.

We finally got to see Cindy & George on Saturday night, but we were all pretty quite & Cindy was not well at all. We need to make more of an effort to see each other - I felt bad that Isabella had forgotten who I was. She always knew me & would give me a big smile but on Saturday night she took a while to warm to me. We need to remedy that!! Especially if Ayisha is being stolen from me!

Sunday I held my linen party. I ended up selling around $1000 worth so I got about $500 worth of stuff that I wanted for about $200 - so I was happy with that.

And that concludes my catch-up. I am still going to challenge myself to a blog a day, but I can't decide when to start!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Hi!

Well I almost went a month without an entry - very, very lazy I know. But very easy to do. I just kept looking at my laptop & going "nup".
I still really don't feel like making an entry but I guess the guilt got to me. Not sure if I like being made to feel bad for not blogging, it comes under all those things that I start, then stop and then feel bad about stopping. I've actually been playing with a challenge for myself to blog every day for a month. I keep pushing back the start date on that though!

So I went back to work last week after my 2 weeks off. I hate work. It just pisses me off. The only good thing about going back was finding out that I had missed out on the YP training. This would have been the 5th time I had done that training. They like to put us in training when there isn't much work. But they always time it so that when you get out of training WP picks up so much that you don't do YP for ever & by then you need training again. Thank God I missed it.

This Friday night we are having our big Shine dinner (reward program at work). I'm going though I won't be receiving anything. It is being held at Waterfront on the harbour. The Sebel Pier One is above it, so Darren & I have booked a room. We got a fantastic deal which includes a waterfront room & breakfast for 2 for only $219. The breakfast alone is $60 a head (massively overpriced) but because it's included we are happy with that. A couple of other people from work are staying too.

We started to do a spring clean in our bedroom last Saturday. I started before Darren got home from work. We had had a bit of rain get in & I moved a box to find mooouuullddd!!!!!! AGHHHHH. I hate mould. So I chucked the box & emptied all the drawers in the tall boy so I could move it to clean the wall. When I moved the tall boy I then discovered the back of it was also covered in mould. I could clean the wall but I could not get the mould off the back of the drawers. So I stopped & waited till Darren got home. I told him we had to get new drawers. I could not fathom keeping those drawers at all - let alone having them in our room. So we headed to the Salvos & Vinnies - hoping for a 2nd hand bargain. But of course they had nothing, so we went to the Supacentre & checked out 5 or 6 places in there. My God drawers are expensive. We ended up spending $460 for a 9 drawer unit. Our original one was 6 drawers & about my head height. This new one is low line, about my waist height, & I think the drawers are smaller - but I have 3 extra ones so we should be right. And it will not be being placed under the window either! Darren will pick it up on Friday before he comes into the city. Delivery would have added another $55! Rip off.

We've had no news on the DOCS front. As far as I know the next thing will be them talking to our references, & that hasn't happened yet. This weekend I want to start going through what will be the kids room - we need to make it a usable space, & I need to stop using it as a store room for whatever I don't want to look at.

In other news - Amazing Race starts again this week. I spent an hour nursing Ayisha. Darren lost his voice for about 4 days. Supercat spewed in my slippers. I haven't weighed myself for 3 weeks. We need to catch up with the Morphis family. I need to make some more cards. I need to finish typing my grandads notes. I need to finish about 3 cross stitch projects. I need another me.

Back soon - maybe.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

7.7

Yes I'm back. I apologise for the slackness. Basically I had nothing interesting to talk about really. Then I've been sick again with no inclination to sign on.

In weighing myself yesterday found out I've lost 7.7 kilos since the beginning of May. I'm happy with that. I really want to see my number go below 100 though.

Massive event occured at 12.03 pm Monday 29th June - Ayisha Clare Laidler made her way into the world. Michael & Sharizan's little one. I went to see her last night - though didn't hold her & tried not to breathe near her - I'm still a bit sick (couldn't stay away though) as I'm headed to Tasmania tomorrow & wouldn't have seen her until she was over a week old - I couldn't do that! She is very petite & has her mama's nose. She is cute as a button & I can't wait to get my hands on her. Little Miss Abbey, Ayisha's cousin who is almost a year old really wanted to touch her - it was funny watching her trying to get her hands on Ayisha.

So I've been feeling pretty disgusting since last Friday, started wheezing at lunchtime & had a full blown fever by that night. Mum dragged me out to a card making thing at Cindy's at which I was miserable. She bought me home 2 hours later just in time for the vomiting to start. So that was great. I've been living on the couch & fighting over the doona with the cats. The most I can stomach is an orange. I can't believe I'm getting on a plane for an even colder climate tomorrow night. I don't usually go to the doctor for colds (unless I need the note for work) & as Friday was my last day at work for 2 weeks (yes that's the 2nd time this year I've been sick in my holidays!) I haven't been to the doctor but unless I have a miraculous overnight recovery I will be going tomorrow. I think I need a puffer of some sort for the chestiness. Mum is not impressed that I'm going away with her sick. I'm not either. I've somehow got to work up the energy to pack. Not to mention shave my legs!

So that's it guys - not much to tell except for Ayisha's arrival. I'll be sure to post when I get back from Tassie - after the 7th.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Stuff

The floors are done - they look amazing & I'm so happy with them. It has made the space look bigger, even with all the furniture back where it was before. Pyewackett christened them on the first night - it is so much easier to clean cat puke off a hard floor!

The cats were locked in the bathroom during the installation & when we opened the door Supercat just sauntered out like normal, but Pyewackett did not want to step off the tiles onto the wood. She just kept pacing the doorway until I called her to me, she soon got used to it. But they have both had to learn the hard way that they have no braking power on this smooth floor. Supercat spent a good hour head-butting walls while trying to stop. Most entertaining thing I have seen for a long time.

Saturday night we went to the Smithson's for a catch-up, we nearly didn't go because we were pretty tired, but after some tough love from Louise we got off our arses & went. Both of us were glad we did. We had a very relaxed, enjoyable night just chatting & laughing & drinking - a lot! We were also glad it was a long weekend so we had an extra day to recover.

We go to a local club on Thursday nights for raffles & trivia, once a month they have a $400 draw for a voucher. I was lucky enough to win the last one, so on Sunday we headed to Kmart to spend it. We got some new mats, some clothes and a new mop & broom for Darren. Thank God that man loves housework.

I also cooked 7 hour lamb on Sunday for a dinner with Jess, Adam & Xakk. I love this recipe & won't cook a roast any other way now.

preheat oven to 120 degrees Celsius
1 leg of lamb poked with holes & stuffed with garlic bulbs & oregano.
rub it with salt & pepper
brown it in some oil
put in a pot with a lid for the oven
add stock, white wine & a small amount of oil
bay leaves, thyme, rosemary - whatever you want.
put the lid on & leave alone for 7 hours

When done you'll be able to lift the bone straight out of the meat.
I've also used the left over cooking liquid as a soup base - it's so good.

This time I actually put 2 legs in the pot - 1 never seems to be enough. Along with a heap of veggies we had a really nice meal.

We watched Yes Man & Tropic Thunder - both were OK but not fantastic.

I've been making hand made cards on & off for about a year now. A friend runs a nursing home & has asked me to supply the home with birthday cards for the residents for a nominal amount of cash. So on Monday I spent the day making a bunch of cards to fill the order. While watching Australia with Darren. We both liked it.
I'm hoping the cards turn into a bit of a money maker - I'm going to work on stock piling a heap & taking them to work also. We'll see how that goes.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Home

I'm at home today - I'm very, very tired & just could not drag my butt out of bed this morning.

A very busy week of late nights out, baby shower prep, the actual baby shower, & attending the launch of Wicked has taken it out of me. I'm also very overdue in my cycle (not pregnant) & I have a vague recollection of always feeling very tired when my cycle was all over the place. I'm also extremely moody.

Darren & I are getting on again, after a bumpy few days. He just needs a perspective adjustment sometimes! I think we just need to work on the delivery of that information to him.

I haven't posted a weight loss this week - because I didn't have one. I knew I wouldn't, so this week I wasn't surprised. It means that I've lost 4.3 in 5 weeks, and now I'll just do some perspective adjusting on myself.

Monday, May 25, 2009

4.4

So I've lost 4.4 kilos in 4 weeks - not bad at all. I am happy with this - but I also know that I could have exercised more & I did have a few meals not supplied from the diet food company. So my goal this week & going forward is to try & get a bit more activity into my life.

On Friday I finally had a phone interview with DOCS - but it took me ringing them to see what was going on, for this to happen. I answered all the questions & spoke about if we would take siblings or if we would be okay taking a baby that was born addicted.

When I got home I started to tell Darren about the interview & when I mentioned about taking siblings he kind of pulled this face & then said he only wanted to take one child & that he only ever wanted one. I was stunned, we had discussed this previously & he agreed with me that we would take siblings if they were offered. (Darren has a history of agreeing to something & then when it comes time for that thing to happen he'll say "oh I never wanted to do this" - this pisses me off.)

He started listing his reasons - first was the fact that we only have the one spare room & that it isn't huge. This isn't a problem for DOCS & they are OK for siblings to share. And it's OK with me - yes it will be tight - but with some good organisation it would be fine. Besides it's not like they'll be in the bedroom all day every day.

Then he started saying it would be harder financially - I stated that we would get extra money for the extra child, & that this in fact would help us, because regardless of one child or two I intended to stay home for at least 6 months.

Then he starts to lecture me about how much my life will change! Like I'm a total idiot, as if I expect everything to stay the same & we'll just have this extra person at the dinner table. For God's Sake! I was a nanny for 7 years & I lived in aswell. The man is delusional if he thinks that I think things won't change for me. I'm quite aware that I won't be able to sit on my lazy bum & watch TV, I'm quite aware that I'll be doing more housework and I'm quite aware that my life will never be the same again.

I got so angry & frustrated (and I think PMS has a part in this) that I totally lost it. Usually in arguments I cry, I try not to but I do. This time I was beyond crying, I was so mad! I threw a bag of stuff that I was taking to Mum's (because you know all this was happening as we are supposed to be going out for dinner) and I roared! Just this massive guttural wall of sound came from so deep within me, that even I was surprised. I then stormed into our room - grabbed the door with both hands & slammed it as hard as I could & then threw myself on the bed.

It took 3 seconds for him to follow me.

We then talked a little more & a little more calmly - I can understand how Darren may think that I am not prepared for the extra work, after all I am very lazy at home & he does do 99% of our housework - BUT - it's not like I can't do it, and it's not like I won't do it. It's just that right now I don't have to do it.

I also tried to get him to understand that this is very hard for me. I'm still struggling with the fact that I feel like deciding to foster means that I've officially given up my chance to have my own baby. He will never understand how I feel about giving up being pregnant, breastfeeding, and everything else that comes with that. Everything that should have been a natural beautiful process is not going to happen for me. And that is hard.

We left for Mum's on better terms, & he did apologies for not being clearer in his expections of what we were stepping into. By the end of the weekend he had also talked to a couple of other people, and seems to be OK with whatever happens now - but we still need to talk more. I need to know that if we get two kids - that on a bad day, that he will never, ever say "I told you so" - because then, then I'd have to kill him.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Quote

Our flooring quote came back at $3620 - so we signed on the dotted line. The installation will take place on the 6th of June. I can't wait to say good-bye to my disgusting cat vomit stained carpet. They are also offering a rug at cost price to everyone who orders hard flooring from them - so we will take up that offer later.

I can just imagine how nice it is going to look - hopefully it will also help to bring some light into a pretty dark apartment. We chose a golden honey shade called Beach something. We will now commence playing furniture Tetris until we can completely clear our living area floor. That will be fun!

I'm also relieved that the awful carpet will be gone before DOCS come anywhere near my place. We are still waiting to hear from them. It has been about a month since I sent our application. So I'm going to give them a call on Monday.

Next step is to replace or re-upholster the couch that my darling cats have absolutely ruined. But to do that we need some cat max mesh put up on the balcony so that the little buggers can spend their days outside. And their nights inside with us and a water bottle.

Monday, May 18, 2009

One

This number is prominent this week.

I lost 1kg for a total of 3.8kg in 3 weeks - I'm very pleased with this. Particularly with the winterness that is happening in Sydney. I really would like some starchy comfort food. But I'm managing & I'm not starving - just really ready to eat!

I was also 1 number off in the lotto - one more number would have got us 1.5 million dollars! Instead we got $1380 - so even though this is great - 1.5 mill - would have been fantastic - Janna you would have been making up a bed.

Can't remember if I've mentioned it already, but at work I've signed on for the Global Corporate Challenge. This involves forming a group of 7 members & wearing a pedometer to keep track of your steps. Then you log your steps & the site tells you where in the world you have walked to. The start point is in India. And we start logging our steps on the 22nd for steps taken on the 21st. Here's the link if you want to see where I am - you can log on as a spectator.

http://www.gcc2009.com/Login.aspx?ReturnUrl=%2fDefault.aspx

The rest of my week consisted of work, our weekly trivia/raffle night, and a beautiful seafood dinner (off diet!) at SeaLevel in Cronulla with Mum & Dad, Michael & Yan. Each couple had a massive sea food platter. It was great but man did my body rebel when I got home.

On Sunday morning we went to Harvey Norman to get an idea of costs to get rid of our carpet & put down a floating wood laminate instead. They wanted about $6000!!! Way too high for us. So we went to Carpet Call - & they said around $3800 - much better. So the guy is coming tonight to measure up & give a final quote. We'll be happy if it doesn't go over $4000.


Monday, May 11, 2009

1.1

I'm surprised - but happy with my week 2 result. I didn't actually walk in week 2 & went off diet a little (alcohol, and a night out) so I was expecting to be disappointed. So this result made me very happy & a little bit motivated.

We had a night out in the city to see Guys & Dolls at The Capitol Theatre - it was ok - but not great. What was great was the accommodation we booked at World Tower in the serviced apartments. We were in a massive 3 bedroom apartment with huge living areas. And the view from our floor to ceiling windows on the 65 floor was amazing. Looking west from the CBD out over Darling Harbour and North over the Harbour Bridge. We had initially planned to eat at a restaurant - but got take-away instead so that we could enjoy the view.
We are going to see Chicago! in July and even though it's on at Star City Casino we may book this same accommodation. Actually I'm seeing French & Saunders on the 8th of July then Chicago! on the 10th, I'm very tempted to book 3 nights & just stay in the City. Now if only I can get my budget to stretch that far.

Sunday was Mother's Day & a bunch of us went to Tea by the Sea in Stanwell Park, a pretty little cottage that serves High Tea. It was very nice except for the bit when the owner asked "how many mothers are here today?" and every woman at our table got to put up their hand except for me. It's those things that feel like a punch in the guts.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Commute

I'm on public transport about 1 and 1/2 hours a day & have been doing this for about 12 years. I can't understand how people can be so damn ignorant of the fact that they are NOT in their own home - I have deemed it neccessary to lay down a few simple rules!

1. No toenail clipping on the train - in fact no nail clipping of any kind.
2. Turn the volume down on your Nintendo/PSP/mobile phone or put your headphones in when playing your stupid game.
3. Move over - it's not illegal to sit next to the window.
4. Move your feet - that way you don't have to give me a dirty look when I tread on them.
5. Don't sit in front of me & brush your hair.
6. Brush your teeth.
7. Wear deodorant.
8. Don't fart.
9. Girls keep you knees together.
10. Do not ever get on the train with any food item that smells remotely like hot chips!

Now if only we could get these to be a finable offence. Give the train police something to do instead of hassling people for tickets.

Monday, May 4, 2009

1.7

That's what I dropped in weight last week. So that was 1 week of diet food & 2 thirty-five minute walks (would have been 3, but it rained). So I'm happy with that. I know it's only week 1 and that I probably won't continue with losses that big every week, but even at 1kg a week I'd be happy. So I celebrated with cake & alcohol!
Not enjoying the walking at all, I have to force myself off the train. The first walk I just stuck in my headphones & it went fairly quickly. The second walk, Darren joined me & talked AT me the whole way home - I think he helped me walk faster because I just wanted to get away from the "Blah, Blah work, Blah, blah" that was spewing from him. I love the man to death - but honestly I said nothing all the way home!

Spent the weekend with friends making cards out of the billions of dollars of supplies we have brought recently. Trying to get enough made to put some packs of 10 or 12 together to maybe sell them - will show them at work & see what happens. At the very least I will soon own a card for every occasion.

Busy weekend coming up.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Tagged

So I got tagged - here's my answers....

1. When was your engagement? Christmas Eve 1997.

2. When is your marriage anniversary? 20 March.

3. How long have you known your spouse? Since January 1996, about 13 years!

4. How long did you date before you got engaged? Didn't really date - we just stayed at each others houses till he moved in about 3 months after we met.

5. Where did you meet your spouse? First saw him at a friends, sisters 21st. Then got introduced to him about 3 weeks later.

6. What is your spouse’s full name? Darren John Robinson AKA Dazza, Frank, Lanky

7. Do you have any children? Nup

8. How many? see 7

9. Do you have any pets? Yep 2 Cornish Rex cats - brother & sister - Supercat & Pyewackett

10. Do you own or rent? Own

11. Do you live in the country, city/town? Town

12. What is your favorite activity you do together? Going away anywhere always puts us in a good mood.

13. Do you have a favorite vacation spot? USA & Kiama

14. How many siblings do you have including in-laws? There's 2 in mine & 1 in his.

15. What mosque do you attend? Don't have

16. Is this the mosque you got married in? see 16

17. What town is your current address? Sutherland

18. Do you work or stay home? Work but would LOVE to stay home!

19. Where did you go for your honeymoon? Where else but Queensland.

20. Leave a piece of marriage advice and tag your friends. Don't get caught up on the little stuff.



Now I Tag you to answer...


http://roadtowren.blogspot.com/

Monday, April 27, 2009

Commitment

So it's been a busy few days. Been talking to D a lot about our application to DOCS. I'm a little scared/worried about him going into an interview with DOCS case workers & anyone who knows him would understand why!
So I keep bringing up little questions to see what he will say. Like why do you want to foster?, & how will you discipline a naughty child?. Maybe I'm not giving him enough credit, his answers have been mostly OK, and the man is quite susceptible to others opinions, so after he answers I then say what I would say, and let him take that in. We mostly agree on our answers - he just lacks in the delivery. I would give anything to be a fly on the wall in his individual interview.

I also started a diet food program, with the food being delivered all prepared for you. This is the perfect lazy persons diet. I love it! though not a great start was had. On the very first day, we were out for lunch & dinner. I could have taken the dinner with me, but you know the dinner was at the Morphis' and you don't pass that up!
Sunday was much better, even though I was out at lunch time, I was at a friends so I took my lunch with me. So Sunday I only ate the program food. This was hard but not awful, it was a card making party and J (the host) had supplied heaps of food - sweet & savoury. I just tried really hard to ignore it & only had a couple of pieces of celery. And I hope to go on that way. D is great with this. He doesn't expect me to cook for him & is quite happy to look after himself. I do think it would be harder if I was having to get his food organised as well.
I also have to try to eat s l o w e r - I have a habit of eating to fast, and still feeling hungry. So I'm working on that also.

On top of the food, I'll be getting off the train one stop early & walking from there. That's about a 30 minute walk for me. I've done it before, but always gave up after only a couple of times. The goal is not to give up this time. It will be hard now that its colder & darker and I'll be damned if I'm doing it in the rain! But D says do it or I'll cancel the food - so that's my incentive! He thinks.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Done

Today we filled in the Foster Carers Online Application Form for DOCS. I'm in two minds about this. The process can take such a long time, so it is better to get things started.
BUT, on one hand I'm faced with the thought that I'm not ready to give up the chance of carrying a child myself. I'm thinking about experiencing pregnancy, birth & breastfeeding. All those things that bring a mother & child together, am I ready to realise that those things won't happen for me? I'm not. And even though I know that you don't have to carry a child, or breastfeed it to love it, I'm jealous of everyone who gets to have that.
On the other hand, I know that D & I will be able to love & bond with any child that comes our way. I know that about myself, I know how I am. It's just scary to let go of those other dreams.
This is only the first step. We have a long way to go.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Better

After 2 nights in my own bed I am definitely feeling better. Just got some dry lips happening from constant mouth breathing. I always feel like I've dropped IQ points when I have to do the mouth breathing thing.
The 2 furry kids are very happy that we are home & are constantly under our feet. I was in the bedroom tidying up (odd for me) & I had both of them on the other side of the door meowing for me. They aren't allowed in the bedroom. Pyewackett has figured out that the silver lever has something to do with accessing the forbidden room & will jump up to it over & over, she has yet to get it right though. Thank God.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Sick

So there I was, planning a few nice days with the husband. We had enjoyed 4 days with friends at the campsite. They all packed up and went home on Monday & we had 5 days ahead of us for some "alone" time. But Tuesday morning I woke up with a sore throat that soon escalated to a raging head cold. So there went any quality "alone" time & we ended up actually having to talk to each other! And even cut our holiday short by one day. I just couldn't cope with the drop in temperature after 5pm. So we came home to see the furry kids, who were quite happy to see us.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Again

I want to be witty & interesting but I'm not sure if I have it in me.
I do however have it in me to be excited about the little camping trip we are going on from the 9th. I am looking forward to doing nothing, absolutely nothing.
I plan to walk only the 10 steps to my ensuite toilet & shower, then the 10 steps back to my chair.
I plan to have a glass of wine constantly in my hand & a block of chocolate close by. A good book & interesting company for when I want it.
I plan to laugh, a lot, with some great people. Who get who I am. Who don't let me get away with shit, and who will always stand by me.
I plan to spend some quality time re-connecting with my husband. God knows we need it.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Back

Yep I came back.
So that's something.
This Blog has been on my mind. I'm thinking it will be so boring that no one will ever read it.
Does that matter? Not really. I'll guess I'll just use it to amuse myself.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Why?

Why?
Why add one more thing to the list of things I want to do?
Why give myself one more task to make excuses not to do?
Why?
I'm considering it to be a challenge, a challenge for myself to actually finish/continue something I've started. Because I'm great at starting things - just not so great at finishing them.
I've started craft projects, books, diets & home improvements and I really start well, all excited & obsessed by my new project. Investigating all the information and getting the best gear.
BUT - give me anywhere between 24 hours and a week and I'll be over it. Totally & completely over it, don't talk to me about it over it.
So we shall see how this goes. I've been thinking about it for a while, and I've always liked writing. So lets just see.